Two old “good” neighbors - Russia and Germany, Russians and Germans. Two imperial nations that have repeatedly claimed and continue to claim primacy in Europe and the world. Two peoples who shed seas of blood to each other. For what? Why?

For territories (the notorious “living space”), for power over other peoples (“Germany above all!” or “Workers of all countries, unite!”), for ideas (communism or national socialism), out of a sense of revenge for past grievances and defeats?

But Russians and Germans have quite a lot of common roots; at least, the genealogy of the Russian tsars is closely related to the German ones. For decades and centuries, the fairly large German diaspora in Russia played a lot important role in many areas of the country's life: management, economics, trade, science...

History knows many examples of positive interaction between two peoples in such a specific area as war (for example, against Napoleonic France). Unfortunately, in the last two world wars, our peoples acted as the main warring parties and suffered colossal sacrifices.

Now Russia and the recently united Germany are experiencing a period of serious and relatively calm rethinking of their past, a decisive and, one hopes, irrevocable rejection of the prevailing stereotype - seeing each other as an enemy and rival. Today there is practically no area in politics and economics where there are fundamental disagreements between Russians and Germans. We can put aside the issue of the Kaliningrad region, which only rabid revanchists are sluggishly trying to revive.

Maybe now is the time the right time reflect on the mentality of these two neighboring peoples, so different and so similar in destinies and aspirations for the future.

For many centuries, the Russians sought to establish themselves simultaneously in Europe and Asia by developing the relatively sparsely populated northern and eastern territories. At the same time, they encountered almost no resistance from the much smaller, economically and militarily weak peoples who inhabited these lands. In terms of culture, they stood at a higher level of development, therefore, they objectively brought knowledge, experience and other achievements of their civilization to these peoples.

At the same time, Russians did not feel alienated from the culture of the peoples they assimilated; on the contrary, they willingly included their morals and customs, all interesting and original elements of culture, into their cultural circulation. Perhaps this is why many peoples Russian Empire, who were not Slavic by blood, willingly considered themselves Russians, considering Russian culture natural for their worldview, native, and were sincerely proud of their involvement in it.

The Germans, unlike the Russians, experiencing insufficient living space, sought to expand in all directions. Considering that these territories of Europe were densely populated by other peoples who were at approximately the same stage of development as the Germans, such territorial encroachments were usually accompanied by wars.

Thus, Germany repeatedly resolved territorial disputes through war with France, and generally considered countries such as Belgium, Holland, Austria-Hungary and Poland to be part of its territory. For this, the Germans in Europe are disliked and feared to this day. For the defeat in the Second World War and the crimes of the Nazis, the German people had to pay with humiliation and justify themselves for decades.

In this one can find a strange analogy with the Russians. They have to bear absurd political and moral responsibility for the suppression of democratic freedoms in countries by the Stalinist regime Eastern Europe and for repressions against individual peoples and nationalities in the USSR. It is especially difficult for the German and Russian peoples to overcome psychological problems associated with rethinking the past. For a long time, the Germans perceived the situation that arose after May 1945 as an absence of history. This gave rise to a tendency among the Germans to refuse to prosecute National Socialist crimes. Subsequently, the position of “constructive partisanism” prevailed in Germany, according to which the inviolability of borders in Eastern and Central Europe is recognized, and relations with neighbors are built on the basis of partnership.

Russians and Germans are also united by a sense of the great historical destiny of their peoples, which objectively follows both from their history and from an objective assessment of their position in the world. All peoples build their community on spiritual values ​​- faith in God or a certain idol. Since the 19th century, the Germans began to worship the idol of the German nation. Russians in the 20th century discovered the cult of socialism and communism. However, a cult is not only a useful thing from a political point of view, but also not controversial. He unites the nation and pushes it to great achievements, but he also blinds it, giving rise to base instincts in its worst representatives.

Thus, in Germany under the Nazis they burned books, loved parades and fanatically worshiped the Fuhrer. The cult is carried out by special ministers, in churches these are priests, in secular society - ideologists, party functionaries, and the media.

During the Second World War, only one strong cult was able to defeat and overcome another - Soviet, communist Russia defeated the fascist, Nazi Germany. However, there is another, rather controversial - religious aspect: when things became especially difficult at the front (in Moscow and besieged Leningrad) - an icon of the Kazan Church was brought Mother of God and the enemy retreated. Germany attacked the USSR on Sunday June 22, when the Russian Orthodox Church celebrated the memory of all the saints who shone in the Russian land, and this war ended with the victory of the Russian troops on May 9 - the feast of St. George the Victorious. And this also has its own truth!

At the same time, in Germany they were looking for support in religious and mystical teachings and rituals. The Germans were brought up on the music of Wagner, in which the motives of Masonic ideology clearly sounded. Scientists, intelligence officers and party functionaries were looking for ways to penetrate the secrets of ancient Tibetan and Indian esoteric, mystical and astrological teachings. With their help, they hoped not only to create a new ideology, but also to find ways to create new types of super-powerful weapons that would allow them to defeat the enemies of the Reich.

There are some peculiarities in the national character of Russians and Germans that contributed to what these peoples gave to the world greatest number outstanding philosophers, scientists, engineers, generals, composers, writers, athletes. When we talk about the Germans, we always remember the philosophers Hegel and Kant, Marx and Nietzsche, the chancellors Wilhelm and Bismarck, the rocket designer Otto Braun and the physicist Oppenheimer, the composers Beethoven and Mozart, Schubert and Wagner, the writers and poets Goethe, Heine, Feuchtwanger and Brecht . As for German and Russian athletes, they are last Olympic Games alternately occupy leading places on the podium.

When people talk about Russians abroad, they certainly remember the unique ballet, churches and icon painting, the first cosmonaut Gagarin and other outstanding achievements in the development of outer space. But in the same row as the great Germans, sound the famous names of Russian philosophers and scientists Lomonosov, Mendeleev and Vernadsky, Pavlov and Bekhterev, Yablochkov and Korolev, composers Tchaikovsky, Mussorgsky and Glinka, commanders Suvorov, Kutuzov, Skobelev, famous military leaders of the Great Patriotic War wars of Zhukov, Rokossovsky, Vasilevsky, Konev, writers Pushkin and Lermontov, Dostoevsky and Tolstoy, Chekhov and Kuprin, Sholokhov, Yesenin, Mayakovsky, artists Repin and Serov, Levitan and Aivazovsky.

What are the reasons for such vivid manifestations of the national spirit of the Russian and German peoples, especially in the listed areas of human activity? The age-old culture of peoples, which includes not only genetic characteristics and traditions, but also aspiration to eternity - to the sublime, the great, receptivity to the achievements of other peoples, the ability, in its own way, to rethink the experience of others, to create new values, or simply the greatest power of the national spirit? Probably, all this taken together, as well as the passionate (according to Gumilyov) impulse of the people, give such a visible result, distinguishing them from a number of other worthy and great peoples. One way or another, the unique abilities of the Russian and German peoples in many areas are indisputable.

"What's great for a Russian is death for a German." This famous expression reflects the essence of the differences between the Russian and German peoples that exist in reality. What exactly did you mean? Contrasting German pedantry with Russian sloppiness? Klyuchevsky spoke well about the essence of this difference, about its roots. He derived the characteristics of the Russian character, prone to an irregular rhythm of work, from the characteristics of the nature and climate of Russia. Due to the length and harsh winter, when labor activity in the villages froze for months, and then, during the short and unstable spring and autumn, the peasant had to plant and harvest the crop in a very short time, if possible, without loss, he was forced to work day and night to the limit human strength and opportunities.

The Germans, unlike the Russians, live in moderate and, therefore, more favorable agriculture conditions, therefore over the centuries they have developed the habit of more measured daily work.

Russians are too contradictory in their attitude towards the state. Unlike the statist Germans, they are either overly committed to the idea of ​​statehood, or, conversely, overly arachnid. This feature was emphasized by N. Berdyaev: “... the Russian people are the most apolitical people, who have never been able to organize their land. All truly Russian, our national writers, thinkers, publicists - all were stateless, a kind of anarchists. Anarchism is a phenomenon of the Russian spirit. .. There are no limits to the humble patience of the long-suffering Russian people."

And at the same time - “Russia is the most state-owned and most bureaucratic country in the world. Everything in Russia turns into an instrument of politics. The forces of the people... are given over to the colossus of statehood... The Russian people had almost no strength left for a free creative life, all blood went to protect and strengthen the state."

Bedyaev also notices a rare feature of the Russian people, which distinguishes them not only from the Germans, but also from the British and French, and today we can rightly add to them the Americans. Russians, being an imperial nation, do not carry imperial thinking in their consciousness:

“Russia is the most non-chauvinistic country in the world, our nationalism always gives the impression of something non-Russian, superficial, some kind of unnatural thing. The Germans, the British, the French are chauvinists and nationalists en masse, they are full of national self-confidence and complacency. Russians are almost ashamed Because they are Russians, national pride is alien to them and often even - alas! - national dignity is alien to them."

Noting the presence of these national characteristics Russian character, it is quite appropriate to note that they are undoubtedly humanistic, reflecting the spirit of Christian Orthodox humility. They may indeed testify to the chosenness of the Russian people by God. But the presence of religious and creative energy, combined with exaggerated humility and over-patience, leads to the fact that the Russian people are often unable to concentrate their will on achieving specific goals that would allow them to strengthen their influence in the world and achieve greater well-being and prosperity for themselves. .

Is it possible and necessary to try to somehow change this state of affairs? Indeed, “you can’t live like that!” or “we can’t live any other way”? Which road leads to the temple? And what is a temple? Today, for Russians, these questions are no less relevant than one hundred or three hundred years ago.

The special propensity of Russians to drink alcoholic beverages is often emphasized. This has become a kind of stereotype when assessing Russian reality. There is no doubt that Russians drank and drink a lot, which is their ability to drink in one sitting large number strong alcoholic drinks (vodka, moonshine, whiskey, gin and others alcoholic drinks) it is difficult for them to find equals in the world. However, in terms of the amount of strong alcoholic drinks, wine and beer they drink in total terms of alcohol content, as well as in their tendency to get drunk to the point of severe intoxication, the Germans, French, Finns, Americans and many other peoples have long been on par with the Russians, and in some ways and surpass them.

In general, there are many nuances in this issue, the consideration of which radically changes...

Germans and Russians, despite all their differences, are romantic peoples. If the British and Americans are pragmatic and calculating, the French and Italians are life-loving and existentialists, then Russians and Germans always want something more from life than just existing in the flow of times, they need to feel significant for eternity, to do great things, to fulfill their messianic destiny. purpose. Therefore, Russians and Germans, despite numerous wars and clashes of interests, always felt a kindred, unifying principle in each other.

It is no coincidence that the Russians and Germans are warrior nations in spirit. No other people, except the Japanese, are capable of such inhuman effort during wars, of total mobilization of the population, of selfless dedication and devotion to the national state idea. For this, the British and Americans are too prudent and mercantile, and the French and Italians love life with its pleasures too much to deliberately condemn themselves to colossal sacrifices. It is difficult to judge who is more right, because as a result, all these peoples have remained dominant in the world for many centuries, however, in terms of losses incurred in the process of struggle for survival, they differ significantly from each other.

When considering the issue of interaction between the Russian and German people, one cannot ignore the problem associated with the traditionally large German diaspora in Russia. Germans have lived in Russia for two and a half centuries. In a certain sense, we can talk about two German subcultures on the territory of Russia - the actual folk agricultural German culture, associated with traditions and customs passed on from generation to generation, and the urban German culture, mainly living in Moscow, St. Petersburg, Odessa, Saratov and related to the Russian (German) intelligentsia.

This very thin layer nevertheless made a significant contribution to the development of the Russian state. You can name the navigator Belinshausen, the architect Shekhtel, Dr. Haas, politicians - the famous Witte, the odious Biron and others. However, with the beginning of the Great Patriotic War, continuity in this layer was interrupted for well-known reasons. Now in Russia about 15 newspapers are published in German, whereas before the revolution there were ten times more.

According to data as of January 1, 1989, 2 million 38 thousand Germans lived in the territory of the former Soviet Union: in Russia - 850 thousand, about 1 million in Kazakhstan, 40 thousand in Ukraine, 110 thousand in Kyrgyzstan, about 38 thousand in Tajikistan... For In recent years, 1.5 million Germans have left for Germany. There are 250 thousand left in Kazakhstan, in Ukraine the same number as it was, in Kyrgyzstan - 12-15 thousand, in Tajikistan - about 1 thousand. Moreover, Germany, which previously stimulated emigration from Russia, is now in every possible way restraining this process, freezing it at the level of 100 thousand per year.

What does this process indicate? There is no doubt that Germany, having achieved its main political goal - the unification of the two Germanys and the reunification of the German nation, at the first stage successfully began to implement the previously declared principle of ensuring, through state support, the resettlement of ethnic Germans from the countries of Eastern Europe and, first of all, from the countries former USSR.

However, the possibilities of the German budget to finance this process were not limitless. In addition, it turned out that immigrants at the first stage of adaptation to German society create many unpleasant problems: insufficient knowledge of the language, competition between the relatively cheap labor force of immigrants and the indigenous population, pressure on the social sphere associated with a decrease in living standards due to the annexation of East Germany and immigration East European Germans. All this led to the containment and restriction of the entry of immigrants of German nationality into the country.

Is this good or bad for Germany and Russia? For Germany, any option is acceptable, the difference is only in tactical or strategic gain, but for Russia, the mass departure of Germans from the country leads to clearly negative consequences. From a cultural point of view, Russian Germans have a mentality close to Russians; their compatibility and mutual influence carry a great positive charge.

From the point of view professional qualities Russian Germans also represent undoubted value for Russia. They have high intellectual potential, are hardworking, conscientious and punctual. They occupy very specific niches in production process, and in a number of regions (Volga region) they play a very noticeable role in production and social processes. In a word, Russia needs the Germans. The problem is how to make the Germans want to stay in Russia. This is undoubtedly facilitated by the emerging process of activation and development various forms cultural autonomy of the German diaspora in Russia, promotion of persons of German nationality to prominent political positions (governors, heads of district and city administrations).

At the same time, the company in the Western media has a negative impact on the development of interstate relations between Germany and Russia by creating a negative image of Russians living in Germany, exaggerating individual facts of their illegal activities and inflating the myth about the penetration of the insidious “Russian mafia” into the West, when the Russians issued not only to immigrants from other countries of the former USSR, but also from Eastern European countries.

Just as it is impossible to measure and compare intelligence, it is also impossible to compare and weigh on the scales of history the role and value of different peoples for the world. Can and should be welcomed as a process of conservation and development national traits and traditions different nations, and their beneficial mutual influence on each other, promoting mutual understanding and progress in all areas.

History has proven that Germans and Russians are very closely connected to each other: geopolitically, economically and spiritually. This process especially intensified and became obvious in the 80-90s. At the same time, the obvious rapprochement between Russia and Germany strengthens their weight and positions not only in modern, rapidly integrating Europe, but also in the world as a whole. This gives us hope that the process of mutually beneficial integration of our peoples will most likely continue in the near foreseeable future.

Russians and Germans. It is believed that it was Peter I who cut a window to Europe, but, as is known, the Germans were already living in Russia by this time and even had a serious influence on the worldview of the future reformer. Mikhailo Lomonosov considered the Germans his teachers and “our everything” in science. German language was studied in all higher and secondary educational institutions Russia, and many generations of Russians were brought up on the works of the “gloomy German genius” - poets, scientists, philosophers. However, there is also a second side to the coin, which clearly demonstrates that relations between the two peoples can hardly be called cloudless.

Russians and Germans. It is believed that it was Peter I who cut a window to Europe, but, as is known, the Germans were already living in Russia by this time and even had a serious influence on the worldview of the future reformer. Mikhailo Lomonosov considered the Germans his teachers and “our everything” in science. The German language was studied in all higher and secondary educational institutions in Russia, and many generations of Russians were brought up on the works of the “gloomy German genius” - poets, scientists, philosophers. However, there is also a second side to the coin, which clearly demonstrates that relations between the two peoples can hardly be called cloudless.

Now, when a quarter of a century has passed since the fall of the Berlin Wall and the collapse of the USSR and much has changed in Russia and around the world, we conducted a small study, interviewing 50 Russian and German contemporaries, 25 people on each side, mainly residents of Moscow, the Moscow region, Berlin and Bavaria, men and women 25−65 years old with higher and secondary education.

What do representatives of the two nations think and know about each other? We asked all our respondents - from the German and Russian sides - the same questions, and the answers to some of them did not differ too much from each other. Thus, when asked about the most famous representatives of the German nation, both most often named Hitler, Goethe, Karl Marx, Kant, Beethoven, Bach, Schiller, Hegel, Luther, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Engels, Gutenberg, Bismarck, Merkel, Einstein , Schumacher. To this list the Germans often added the names of monarchs, and the Russians the names of writers, the Ramstein group and Hitler’s associates. It is curious that when asked about the nationality of the Fuhrer, all German respondents, without exception, calling him the most famous German, at the same time consider him an Austrian by nationality, in contrast to the Russians, who were perplexed and at the same time amused by such a question: “German, naturlich, who else!”

Both consider Lenin, Stalin, Gorbachev, Putin, Peter I, Catherine II (she was also named among famous Germans), Zhukov, Yeltsin, Khrushchev, Dostoevsky, Tolstoy, Pushkin, Gogol, Tchaikovsky to be the most famous Russians in the world. Gagarin, “Tsar Alexander”, Lermontov, Brezhnev, Tupolev, Kalashnikov and Beria were named once each.

The symbol of Germany for Russians is, first of all, beer, sausages, the swastika (100% of respondents) and fascism. They also named the Brandenburg Gate, the Berlin Wall, the Reichstag, Gothic, neatness, car brands, bicycle paths and windmills. The Germans added the eagle, football, industry and bureaucracy to the list of symbols. It is significant that, unlike the Russians, none of the Germans surveyed mentioned the swastika as a symbol of Germany. As we see, for modern Germans the symbol of the country is now associated only with the eagle.

Both nations called the Kremlin, Red Square, fur hats, winter, vodka, nesting dolls, frost, taiga, Siberia the symbol of Russia. German respondents added oil, gas, corruption and authoritarian government to the list. Russians preferred more lyrical images: birch tree, Russian braid, bast shoes, generous soul. It is significant that, as in the previous question, none of the Russians surveyed remembered the hammer and sickle as a symbol of a bygone era, but among the Germans, this symbol, like the red flag, was mentioned by the majority of respondents.

The Germans called typical features of their national character: politeness, hard work, punctuality, pedantry, commitment, sense of duty, friendliness, sentimentality, love of order, honesty. Sometimes, however, such a list was accompanied by the following remark: “All this is in the past - whether it still applies now is the question” (Stefan, 40). Russians have added to the list such qualities as accuracy, restraint, truthfulness, self-confidence, independence, and poetry. It is striking that, despite the constant references to fascism, negative traits of the German character were mentioned by Russians in isolated cases (straightforwardness, narrow-mindedness, lack of a sense of humor). Let us also cite this opinion: “The Germans have shortcomings - a continuation of their advantages. Law-abiding, love of order, organization, hard work are wonderful qualities. And on a national scale, under the leadership of Hitler, a terrible force emerged” (Victor, 46).

The Russian’s self-portrait looked, according to the survey, far from being so ideal, and negative qualities Most often it was not the polite Germans who pointed it out, but the Russians themselves. We often come across pairs here: laziness (Russians), hard work (Germans), commitment - optionality, organization - disorganization, self-confidence - uncertainty, supplemented by such qualities as: carelessness, rudeness, laxity, indifference, a tendency to depression, drunkenness. Among their positive qualities, Russians mentioned: hospitality, compassion, kindness, patience, inappropriate generosity, love of reading books and searching for the meaning of life. The Germans noted the following qualities of Russians: patriotism, sacrifice, courage, ruthlessness, revelry, flexibility, rudeness, passivity (“it lasts a long time until the people rise up,” Sandra, 37). Let us cite this opinion: “men, especially in the provinces, are drunkards, beat their wives, women abuse cosmetics” (Bernard, 32).

With an answer to the question about general outline character, the Germans were clearly at a loss: “There are none,” “The only cliché is drunkenness” (Helmut, 53). The Russians, on the contrary, were sure that such traits existed and indeed found them: courage, ingenuity, the ability to neglect comfort and put everything on the line, endurance, fast driving and even “love for stormy holidays in Turkey and Egypt” (Marina, 31) . When asked about differences in national character, Russians often recalled the proverb “what’s great for a Russian is death for a German” and the dialogue between Stolz and Oblomov from Goncharov’s novel (one of the German respondents also pointed to “Oblomov”). Let us also cite the following opinions: “Both people are talented, but a German, if he discovers something new, will at least write a book, while a Russian will ramble on and do nothing” (Valeria, 39); “A lot is changing now, including the national character. There are a lot of pragmatic Russians and crazy brave Germans. An example is Matthias Rust” (Victor, 46). “Germans are more fun, more sociable, joke more often” (Irina, 47); “The Russian environment brings up a rougher person” (Anton, 25). On the German side, they also note “the joy of alcohol” (Frederika, 42), but it also emphasizes the difference: “The Germans have beer, the Russians have vodka.” Let us also cite this opinion: “The Germans live clearly within their own framework and rules, the Russians are more flexible and can more easily find their way to the goal” (Andreas, 41).

Let's see what each nation knows about each other in historical aspect. Russians remember the reformation, printing, fragmentation, the Weimar Republic, the formation of the Third Reich, but most often two world wars, the fall of the Berlin Wall, the unification of the Federal Republic of Germany and the German Democratic Republic, and the formation of the European Union. From Russian history, German respondents noted Tatar-Mongol yoke, October Revolution, Chernobyl, the death of the Kursk submarine, the Iron Curtain, glasnost, Perestroika, putsch, Laika in space, Gagarin's flight and both world wars.

Particularly significant for both audiences was, as we see, the Second world war. And it is not surprising, since, as the survey showed, close relatives of almost all our respondents from the Russian and German sides took part in it on both sides: “father, uncle and grandfather”, “both grandfathers”, “grandfather and great-grandfather, grandmother was in the occupation “,” “my great-grandfather was in Russian captivity,” “my grandfather and aunt died. She was only 17 years old, she studied at a medical school in Yalta and died when the Germans blew up the steamer Armenia" (Lydia, 57).

When asked about the events with which their ideas about the Second World War are connected, Russians recalled 1941, the Brest Fortress, the invasion of the USSR, Stalingrad, the siege of Leningrad, Battle of Kursk, concentration camps, partisan movement, mass extermination of people, the battle of Moscow, the capture of Berlin, the flag over the Reichstag, i.e. events that took place during the Great Patriotic War of 1941−45. The Germans also noted many of these events, but their understanding of the war went beyond the Russian-German experience: D-Dau, the Battle of the Bulge, the Normandy landings, the fall of Poland, the capitulation of Paris, the extermination of the Jews, the bombing of London, the liberation of Dachau, the death of " Wilhelm Gustlow", conference in Wannsee, resettlement of Germans from Königsberg and the eastern territories, Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

At our request, the respondents also spoke about the most truthful, in their opinion, work about the Second World War - a book, a film, a song - there were practically no coincidences here. The Russians named “Katyusha”, “The Blue Handkerchief”, Shostakovich’s Leningrad Symphony, the poem “Wait for Me” by K. Simonov, diaries of residents of besieged Leningrad, Books of Memory, films “They Fought for the Motherland”, “ Brest Fortress", "And the dawns here are quiet", "The Fate of Man", "Seventeen Moments of Spring", biographies of Zhukov and other military leaders, a series of programs by A. Pivovarov, the website of M. Solonin, memoirs of N. Nikulin, books by A. Suvorov, " The Tale of a Real Man" by B. Polevoy, novels by V. Bykov and G. Böll. The Germans remembered Picasso’s “Guernica” (although the bombing of Guernica took place before the start of World War II), the films “Schindler’s List”, “As Long as the Legs Carry” (“Escape from the Gulag” based on the book by I.M. Bauer), “The Wannsee Conference”, “ Dogs, do you want to live forever? F. Visbara, “The Death of Wilhelm Gustlov”, “Saving Private Ryan”, the book “The Trajectory of the Crab” by G. Grass.

“Would Russia have had a different future if not for World War II?” - What do our respondents think about this? Some Russians believe that “for sure”: “So many people would not have died and would not have starved after the war. People could put their effort into something else - building successful country, but I didn’t have enough strength” (Peter, 35). “Perhaps there would not have been such Stalinist repressions that the people considered somewhat justified by the war” (Mikhail, 62). “Of course, democracy would have come sooner, but as the country was being restored, there was no time to hold a rally, and there was no one, there were no men” (Irina, 57). But the majority is inclined to believe that there would be no significant changes: “In some ways, yes, but overall not particularly” (Alexey, 27). There are also adherents of the “world conspiracy”: “I believe that the world’s future, including the Russian one, is organized and controlled by certain people and the Second World War is part of a planned process” (Igor, 27). But here is the opinion of the Germans: “Of course, it’s just not clear what the whole world would look like if there had been no World War II” (Frank, 31); “Politically, nothing has changed since World War II, so Russia would probably not look much different today” (Helmut, 53).

It turned out that our respondents have a rather poor understanding of the most important events taking place on the territory of another state. Thus, only a quarter of Russians surveyed had “heard something” about the blockade of West Berlin. “I don’t know very much about the blockade of West Berlin, but I think it’s impossible to compare these two events, as M. Solonin does. The siege of Leningrad, a crime against humanity, lasted almost three years, was accompanied by daily bombings (by no means raisin), and the number of victims among the civilian population alone was about a million people. The blockade of West Berlin is rather a political action” (Natalia, 29); “No one suffered as much as the Russians! I don’t know about the blockade of Berlin, but if it was as terrible as in Leningrad, we would, of course, know. It seems to me that modern Germans simply do not understand what their ancestors did on our territory. This always comes to mind when you visit Berlin. They rush around with the hundreds who died trying to cross the Berlin Wall, but they don’t want to understand that because of the Nazi invasion, 25 million of us died” (Alexander, 53). German respondents also believe that these events cannot be compared, but their motivation is different: “It is impossible to compare, because the siege of Leningrad took place during the war, i.e. according to the laws of wartime, but the blockade of West Berlin is in peacetime, so we must judge according to the laws of peacetime” (Beate, 42).

But the question of the prerequisites for further relations, as expected, did not cause international disagreement. The Russians were more emotional: “They are a cool country. We want to be friends. Our president knows German” (Tamara, 25). The Germans approached the issue in a businesslike manner: “Since the system in Russia has changed, such prerequisites have appeared. The end of socialism - decisive reason"(Martha, 37), "The closer two states are in terms of system and ideology, the stronger relationships"(Wolfgang, 44).

We tried to find out whether our respondents have language capabilities for mutual communication. Of the Germans we interviewed, three know Russian, all residents of the former GDR, over 40 years old, who studied Russian at school. Russians who own German language, it turned out to be even less - two. As we see, at the moment our countries are experiencing better times for language communication.

What words from each other’s language do the respondents know? For Russians, as it turns out, the main sources of knowledge are films about the war (“Hende Hoch”, “Schnell”, “Achtung”, “Arbeit”, “Kaput”, “Sieg Heil”), television advertising (“Das ist Fantastish”, “kvadratish, praktish, gut”), folk songs and the group “Ramstein” (“Vas wollen vir trinken sieben tage lang”). The Germans have fewer military traces, but they also exist: “come on, come on,” “work” (Wolfgang, 44, “grandfather was captured”). In addition, they were called: “comrade”, “grandmother”, “matryoshka”, “perestroika”, “cheers” (the Germans, by the way, are firmly convinced that this is what they say when they clink glasses). Those who studied Russian at school remember such words and expressions as “satellite, tractor, party” and “how to get to the city center.”

Half of Russians (12 out of 25) expressed a desire to settle in Germany temporarily or permanently: “It would be nice to live at least for a little while!” (Inna, 27), although there were those who, like 60-year-old Valentin from the Moscow region, “had nothing to do there.” Let us note that most of those who are not averse to changing their place of residence are young people under 30 years old. There were no German respondents who wanted to live in Russia, “although I’m sure there are very nice places there” (Jens, 58); “Probably not, due to the political regime, climate and large social stratification” (Frederica, 42).

Both parts of our audience expressed the unanimous opinion that Germany has a higher standard of living than Russia. Among the reasons for this situation, the Russians noted the following: “The Germans are more hardworking, love order and steal less. They built socialism twice as successfully as ours” (Alevtina, 41); “The reason is the government, which takes care of citizens and maintains their standard of living at a high level” (Svetlana, 31); “It’s hard to even imagine that our head of state will resign only because of the loss of citizens’ trust” (Valery, 61). There were also those who blamed the weather for everything: “Their climate is more suitable for more active life"(Igor, 27) and even the lack of natural resources in Germany in the form of oil and gas: "There is no need to raise so many slaves to extract them! There is a place where they dig, and there is a place where they decide how and how much to dig. Unfortunately, Russia is destined for the fate of a raw materials state, and the labor force is paid much less decently than qualified ones” (Anton, 25).

German respondents believe that it’s all about hard work, responsibility, the political system, and democracy. Among the reasons cited are corruption, the outflow of skilled labor from the country, a huge territory, and decentralization: “Russia is big, very big country, and therefore difficult to manage, the infrastructure for such big country more expensive, politicians sit in cities, the province can be easily forgotten” (Helmut, 53).

Let us note that of the 25 Russians surveyed, seven visited Germany, while only two of the Germans visited Russia, one of them a Russian language teacher from the former GDR. Russians liked Berlin: “beautiful, modern, international, lots of castles and greenery” (Nikolai, 30); “polite, friendly people, amazing architecture, Potsdam, Alexanderplatz, Museum Island, Gedechtniskirche, Jewish Museum, Checkpoint Charlie (“I was shocked by the Western interpretation of the Second World War”)” (Natalia, 29). The Germans praise Moscow: “Beautiful historical city, with incredible architecture from different times, the Kremlin, St. Basil's Cathedral, Red Square, Mausoleum" (Andreas, 41). Barbara, who visited Chelyabinsk, also notes: “Outdated factories, smoke, pipes, poor ecology, many sick children, people are not very polite to each other, but when they get to know each other they are very cordial.”

We asked a few more questions about people who contributed to the development of world culture. Russians are not so unfamiliar with German culture; in any case, they named more names of writers and poets, philosophers and scientists than the Germans themselves, while it was not young people who were more educated, but older people. The Germans' knowledge of Russian culture was more modest.

Evgenia Nurmukhamedova

Competitions, grants, olympiads

Applications for participation in the conference “The Living Legacy of Alexander von Humboldt” are being accepted throughout March!

Until March 31, applications for participation in the International Scientific and Practical Conference “The Living Heritage of Alexander von Humboldt” are accepted, dedicated to the 250th anniversary of the German scientist and the 190th anniversary of his journey through Russia. Organizers: International Union German culture and ANO DPO "Institute of Ethnocultural Education".

How much has already been said and written about the Russian character, the Russian mentality and the mysterious Russian soul. What are they, Russians? We also know how many foreigners try to understand our Russia with their minds, and how difficult it is for them. I see how interesting Russia is for Germany, for example. But it is the Germans, to a greater extent, who treat us with distrust and some caution. Wow! Are we really that scary? No, we are simply unpredictable and chaotic, but it is surprises and chaos that Germans fear more than anything else.

There is another reason that forces Germans (especially older ones) to avoid, if possible, close contacts with Russians. And I think everyone can guess why. Let's not talk about sad things. And yet, there is interest in Russia, and this interest is growing among Germans (especially now, when all doors for tourism, business and communication are open).

I feel increased interest in myself here in Germany, simply because I am Russian, and I have really become proud of it. I am happy to answer any questions about Russia, talk about Moscow, about our cultural traditions, and, to be honest, I want to break the existing, unfortunately, stupid stereotypes about the Russian mentality. For example, it irritates me terribly when many Germans identify Russia exclusively with vodka. Ok, we drink vodka. So what? After all, there are other countries where they drink more than ours. Japan, for example. But, despite stereotypes and basic fear, Germans actively travel to Russia. It’s good if the passion for Russia, our culture and the Russian language is just a hobby and personal interest. But the Germans are increasingly opening joint business with Russia. Here is another problem - how to conduct business in Russia and enter into business contacts? What is Russian business ethics like, and what is business like in Russian? Is it chaos again? What do the Germans think about the Russians in this regard?

One of my friends is German, a top manager of a small enterprise in western Germany, which recently opened a branch near Moscow. She, as the head of the Russian direction, along with other German colleagues in the Presidential Program, has already visited Russia twice at special seminars. There they theoretically comprehend our Russian mentality, try together to understand “what are they like, Russians?” and learn to secure, if possible, their business in Russia. Having returned the other day with a certificate in hand and completely savvy, she told me a lot of interesting things, and also introduced me to a journalist from Austria who works in Russia and is also learning the basics of the “Russian soul.” He did a tremendous job, interviewing about 70 Russian managers, businessmen and business leaders, and showed us a completed version of it, where, after analyzing the answers, he drove into a strict framework for studying our Russian character and “how he behaves” when it comes to business.
These are the dogmas that every German starting their own business in Russia should know by heart. Whether everything here is true about us is up to you to decide.

1. Never drink alcohol with Russians with whom you do business!
2. Russians do everything for their friends and nothing for strangers. Personal contacts are very important in business. If you don’t personally know the person on whom the promotion of your business depends, nothing will work.
3. Russians are open when you start a conversation with them.
4. Social strata are not as pronounced as in countries Western Europe, communication and contacts between people from different social groups. There is no direct connection between opportunities and money.
5. There is no connection between money and education, rather the opposite: people who have received an excellent education have a small income.
6. Never joke with Russians about Russian culture, the Russian Church and the Great Patriotic War.
7. Russians remember an insult for a long time and keep their anger to themselves.
8. Russians do not show their weakness to others, they are often aggressive and not always polite.
9. Russians prefer to be in the center of attention, and status in society is an extremely important component in business circles (and not only): having a car, expensive wristwatch, clothes that can impress others. The head of a company must have a huge office. Often one of the motivational factors is not money, but a document, certificate, praise.
10. For conversations with people applying for any position, afternoons or evenings are often appointed. Morning meetings are not advisable. Hiring decisions are often made slowly, with checks taking weeks. Of course, it is easier for young people to get a job than for people 40-45 years old.
11. Personal connections are often more important than money. There is a principle: “you - to me, I - to you,” and the assistance provided is not forgotten. Often verbal agreements play an important role in business. There is corruption.
12. A pronounced difference in living standards in Moscow and St. Petersburg and in the rest of Russia.
13. Until 1990, foreigners were held in high esteem in the Soviet Union; now the attitude towards them is more critical.
14. Russia is a country for the young and healthy. There are no social guarantees here.

This is what an elderly German, an officer in the GDR army, says about Russian soldiers. During World War II he was very young. But he remembers how in their house Russian soldiers slept on an iron mesh, with the mattresses bent to the side. So as not to get them dirty. And this is in an empty house, from where, having heard enough of Goebbels’ stories about the “barbarians,” all the inhabitants fled...

The history of the Russian and German people is full of tragedies. Almost half of the twentieth century became one continuous tragedy.

But life went on. And mutual respect exists. Germans are respected in Russia. There is no hatred, even despite all the horrors of the German occupation. Russians are respected in Germany. Even despite all the power of Western propaganda, which molds something terrible and dark out of Russia.

A letter from one of my readers, Elena Viktorovna Ilseman from Germany, illustrates all this perfectly.

“This happened in 1945 in the vicinity of Berlin. My husband Georg Ilsemann (German, born in Berlin in 1941) told me about this. His mother, having heard enough propaganda about the terrible Russians, fled from the attacking forces with her two small children. Soviet troops. But on the way, all the refugees were stopped and they had to go back - the “allies” did not want to accept them. And so they doomedly return to their apartment. She was in a house where several families lived, and it stood in the forest. And there our SOVIET SOLDIERS had already settled down to rest. And this is what I remember for the rest of my life little boy, IT AMAZED ME to the core. This must be told to our youth so that the historical TRUTH about Soviet people, about the liberating soldiers. So our soldiers (in an abandoned house in the forest!!!) were lying on their beds... with the mattresses bent to the side. As Georg put it, “on metal mesh.” I just didn’t understand why at first and asked again, my husband explained to me that the soldiers were in dirty clothes and had folded not only the bedding (bed linen), but even the mattresses on the beds. To avoid getting dirty...

Then a Russian officer came and, having found out that this woman with two children was the owner of the apartment, APOLOGIZED and all the soldiers got up and left. When Georg’s mother looked into the closet where the things were left, EVERYTHING WAS IN PLACE. Later, Georg’s grandmother exchanged food for these things with our officers. This is how a little German boy (who later became a major in the GDR army) remembered his first meeting with the RUSSIANS. I think comments are simply unnecessary...

(To confirm my words, I am sending a video story by Georg Ilsemann).

Georg is now 75 years old, all his life he has only bought black for home. rye bread. Why? His answer: “This is the most delicious bread, a Russian soldier gave it to me as a child.” The soldier stood at his post, and Georg crawled through a hole in the fence, and he was so thin that our soldier, looking at the child, gave him a piece of black bread. Georg said that he even went blind (temporarily) from malnutrition, so a piece of black bread from a Russian soldier was just a whole treasure.

Here's another story. Aunt Georg's husband was killed. This happened after the war - her husband was not even at the front, he was a teacher. One night a woman screamed on the street, he ran out of the house to help her and was found murdered. As we later found out, two of our soldiers apparently tried to rape some woman. In the morning, all the residents of this street were called and in front of their eyes, these two soldiers were shot for the murder of this German (Aunt Georg’s husband). Imagine the reverse situation, where two people were shot German soldiers for the murder of a local resident on our territory is unthinkable. I've never heard anything like this.

In Potsdam there is a church in the city center and a cemetery around it. There are many graves of our soldiers and officers there. I was struck by the dates of death - 46, 47... Very young men, obviously they did not die from illness. I asked my husband, and he was surprised that I didn’t understand. He said that after the end of the war, the forests were full of armed Germans and Soviet soldiers and officers were constantly being killed somewhere (of course, in the back and from around the corner). And so they did not take revenge on the Germans, they even felt pity for the children. Doesn't this speak of the generosity of the Russian soul? And how soulless and cruel the Germans are even now - I have experienced this myself more than once. As they say, the Germans quickly “taught me to love my Motherland.” I don’t consider my husband Georg to be German; he has an absolutely Russian mentality.

I’m trying to instill a love for Russia in my son (he was born in Germany, this happened, although we were going to live in St. Petersburg). We come to St. Petersburg almost every year - this is Alyosha’s favorite city.

I don’t want to complain about my situation, which is very typical for a Russian woman abroad. After a divorce from my husband (a West German), all rights to a 5-year-old boy were given by the “most humane” court (German) to the father (at that time an unemployed alcoholic), who did not allow me to communicate with my son for 3 years. Alexey completely stopped speaking English. Russian Then I won the right to see my son once a month on weekends and half of the holidays. We’ve been living like this for many years now, so I can’t return home to Russia yet (because of my son). I did not change my citizenship, although my lawyer advised me (it would be positive for the German court). This is terrible, but even for the sake of fighting for my only son, losing my homeland turned out to be unthinkable for me. In those short moments when my son is with me, I study with him the Russian language, Russian literature, and Russian history. This year he told me that he renovated his room in Duisburg (where he lives with his father) himself. You will definitely understand my feelings by looking at the photo.

Alyosha came up with the “design” of the room himself, if they found out at school, I’m even afraid to imagine the reaction. But the amazing effect of Western anti-Russian propaganda: the more dirt they pour on Putin, the greater he is an idol for... teenagers living in Germany (they put his photo on their phone).

My son had this screensaver (found it himself, made it himself at the age of 11).

Yes, life is so unpredictable. I was born in the Urals, in Perm, a closed city at that time. It was simply impossible in even the wildest fantasies to imagine that I would live in Berlin and my husband would be German. At the age of 6, my mother brought me to Leningrad, I was so amazed by this city that I immediately declared: “I will live here.” And she lived for about 20 years. I studied, then worked. By the way, in 92-93, by chance (I graduated from Herzen University) I worked as an economist in the administration of the Kalinin district. And every day on my desk there were documents signed by... Putin (then he was Sobchak’s deputy for economic issues). We could not even imagine that he would later become the president of the country. Saw him on TV in New Year(when Yeltsin “got tired and left”) and were surprised - “our Putin” acting president...”

Such a letter... And such a fate...

Funny and favorite jokes in Russia about Russians and... Americans, Germans, Chinese, Japanese, etc. International jokes are funny to tears.

From the Martian's diary:
August 1st. The Japanese arrived. Using their nanotechnology, they broke into our bunker in 8 hours and distributed sushi to everyone. It was delicious, but not enough for everyone - they devoured the Japanese.

August 2. The Americans arrived. Using their digital technology, they broke into our bunker in 3 hours and distributed hamburgers to everyone. It was delicious, but not enough for everyone - they devoured the Americans.

August 3. The Russians arrived. Using a crowbar and “fuck it,” they broke into our bunker in 3 minutes and distributed pussy to everyone. It was not tasty, but there was enough for everyone.

A hodgepodge of jokes about Russians and...

At the World Congress of Surgeons. Russian, American and German surgeons are sitting at a banquet and bragging.

German:
“We had one skier’s legs completely cut off by a tram, after a complicated operation we restored them, sewed up all the vessels and ligaments, and half a year later he won 3 gold medals at the Olympics!!!

Russian:
— And one of our pianist’s hands was crushed by a press, so we spent 12 hours collecting fragments of bones and restored his hands so that a year later he became a laureate of the Tchaikovsky Competition!!!

American:
- But here in Texas, one cowboy on a horse was hit by a train, horror!!! Everything is in a heap, only the butt remains, and that, in my opinion, is from a horse. We put it all together, and now this cowboy is our president!

He told the Tsar Russian, the German and the American - whoever drives their cars through the “Cave of Death” will give his daughter as a wife.

The German drove off in a BMW, and suddenly the little devil ran out and said:
- Piss, stop!

The German stopped and the devil ate him.
The American is driving a jeep and the devil runs out again:

- Piss, stop.
The American stopped, the devil ate him.

Riding in a truck, the little devil runs out again and says:
- Piss, stop.

The Russian responds:
- Well, at least shit yourself, I don’t have brakes...

Jokes about Russians, Germans, Americans, Chinese

In order to conduct a survival experiment, a Russian, a German and an American were sent to a desert island. We were allowed to take one item with us.

The American took an army knife, the Englishman an axe, and the Russian a photograph of Pamela Andersen.

A week later the Russian had both a knife and an ax.

Three presidents (French, Russian and American) come to God.

The Frenchman asks God:

- When will my country become rich and prosperous?

God: - In 20 years.

Frenchman: - It’s a pity, I won’t live long enough!

An American asks God:
- When will my country become even richer and even more prosperous?

God: - in 40 years.

American: - It’s a pity, I won’t live long enough!

The Russian president also asks God:
- When will my country become rich and prosperous?

God: - It’s a pity, I won’t live long enough!

Jokes about Russians and Germans

An American, a Frenchman and a Russian argued - who is the bravest of all?
“We Americans draw ten cars by lot, and one of them has no brakes, and we rush along a mountain road. Then one is in the hospital, and the other nine visit him.

- And in France, ten of us gather, we play ten girls, and one of them has syphilis. Then one goes to the hospital, and the other nine visit him.

— And in the USSR it’s even worse: we tell political jokes in company, and everyone knows that one of us is an informer.

- And then?
- And then nine sit, and one carries them parcels.

A Russian, a German and an Englishman ended up on a desert island. So what should I do? We decided to fish, maybe we’d catch something. Caught goldfish. She tells them:
- Let me go, boys, I will fulfill one of your wishes.

German:
- Have a glass of schnapps and go home.

Englishman:
- A glass of whiskey and go home.

And Russian:
- A box of vodka and those two back...

An American, a Russian and a German were frozen in a cryochamber. After 100 years they wake up and ask for newspapers from their countries.

An American reads the New York Times: “Ford automakers declared winner of Chinese socialist competition...”.

A Russian reads in Pravda: “Recent clashes on the Polish-Chinese border...”

A German reads in Spiegel: “Congratulations to our dear Bundeschancellor Angela Merkel on her 175th birthday!”

Jokes about Russians and Americans

An American and a Russian meet.
The American asks:
- Why are your military called “Polite People”?
The Russian responds:
- Because in 1945 we escorted the Germans all the way home.

Russian-American exercises are taking place at a Russian missile base. Suddenly our general gathered the Russians and Americans together and began yelling at them:
— Who wiped the remote control?!

The Americans did not like his tone:
- But here in America...
- Just wait! Who wiped the remote control?!

- But in America it’s not customary to talk to officers like that...
- Yes, your America is no more!... Who wiped the remote control, your mother?!

An American comes up to the Russian and says:
— Sorry, but I was told that Russians drink the most.

Tell me, can you drink a glass of vodka?
- Certainly! I’ll have a pickled cucumber and everything’s OK.
- How about three glasses?
- Certainly! I’ll have three pickled cucumbers and everything is OK.
- What about a hundred glasses?
- Fell from an oak tree? I won't eat that many cucumbers!!!

A Russian sits in a cafe and has an afternoon snack. There is a sandwich with jam and muesli on his table. An American comes up to him and, chewing gum, asks him:
- But you Russians eat whole bread?

The Russian responds:
- Certainly! And what?
The American, blowing a bubble out of two, says:
- But we don’t! We Americans only eat the crumb and collect the rinds in containers, process them, make granola out of them and sell them to Russia!

The Russian is silent. The American, again blowing a bubble gum, asks:
— Do you Russians eat sandwiches with jam?

The Russian responds:
Of course we eat!
- But we don’t! In America we only eat fresh fruit. Seeds, peels and all sorts of things, we collect the cores there in containers, process them, make jam from them and sell them to Russia!

And the satisfied one inflates the bubble again. The Russian was finally pretty offended by this and he, in turn, asked:
— What do you do with condoms after using them?

American:
- We throw it away, of course.

Russian:
- But we don’t! We Russians collect them in containers, process them, make chewing gum out of them and sell them to America.

Very funny new jokes that will make you cry

Russian children in the city of San Jose decided to play pranks and released three pigs into school. At the same time, they wrote numbers 1, 2 and... 4 on them with paint. For a week, the American police were looking for pig number 3.

A new Russian at a banquet in the States: he eats and drinks everything.
An American stops next to him. Russian:

- What's your name?
— Smith.

- Eat, Smith!
- Don't want.

- Eat - it's a freebie.
— I eat when I want to eat.

- I don't understand…
- When I want to eat, I eat! When I don't want to eat, I don't eat!
- Well, you’re just like an animal!

World Conference of Archaeologists. The German stands up and says:

Our archaeologists excavated to a depth of 10 meters and found copper. This proves that 100 years ago there was telephone communication in Germany! There is applause in the hall. The American stands up and says:

Our archaeologists found glass at a depth of 50 meters. This indicates that 500 years ago there was fiber optic communication in America! The Russian gets up and says:

Our archaeologists excavated to a depth of 100 meters and found nothing. This suggests that 1000 years ago there was cellular communication in Russia!

Jokes about Russian and German

A German schoolchild asks the teacher during a geography lesson:

Is it true that Russians have the longest streets in the world?
- Why did you decide that? - he is surprised.

My grandfather told me that they walked along the same street in Stalingrad for three months, but never saw the end of it...

If we proceed from the principle that whoever works is how he rests, then Russians work best in Europe, and Germans work worst of all.

The children sent their grandfather, a participant in the Great Patriotic War, on a tour package to Germany. At the embassy, ​​the grandfather fills out a form, and there are the following questions:

Date of last visit to Germany.
He writes: April - May 1945.

Type of transport used (underline as appropriate)… and list: plane, train, car… other.

Grandfather missed everything and wrote: T-34 tank!

During the war, a little Soviet boy was walking, and a German spy, disguised as another Soviet boy, approached him and began to talk to him. While they were talking, a woman screamed from the window and a little Soviet boy said: “My name is to eat.” And he answered him: “My name is Ivan.” So a little Soviet boy exposed a German spy.

In the maternity hospital, the children of an Italian, Russian, German and Estonian woman were mixed up. We started to figure it out: first, the Italian woman came up to the children and began appetizingly wrapping spaghetti on her fork. Lo and behold, one child is reaching out. His mother takes him away.

Estonian:
- Why did you take this particular one? How do you know it's yours?

Russian:
- But because when the German woman said “Hai Hitler,” my fists clenched, and yours crap.

Funny jokes about Germans and Russians

Harsh winter of '41. Battle of Moscow. A soldier falls out of a burning German tank and falls into the snow. A minute later, the stunned German gets up and climbs back into the burning tank.

Vovochka, under the guidance of her father, studies political map peace.

“This is our country,” the father points out.
- How big! - Vovochka says with admiration.

Then Vovochka looks at Europe and asks:
- Dad, what is this spot?
“This is Germany,” the father answers.
- Dad, did Hitler see this map when he wanted to attack us?!

- Stirlitz, are you Russian, why don’t you have a snack?
- Müller, we are Germans, a stingy people!

Stirlitz is tinkering with the car, trying to fix it...

Muller:
- Stirlitz, you are a Russian intelligence officer!
- Why do you think so?
— The Germans never repair the car themselves, they send it for service!

One morning Stirlitz came to see Muller. Müller was in a gloomy mood.
- Mr. Gruppenführer, what happened? Are the Russians already in the suburbs of Berlin?

Stirlitz, stop your stupid jokes! I dreamed bad dream! I dreamed about Germany 2015!

So, is everything so bad there?
- Not the right word, Stirlitz! Imagine, in Germany our chancellor is a woman, the Minister of Foreign Affairs is a paed@ast, Turks work at Daimler-Benz factories, Germany pays the debts of the Greeks and Spaniards. Instead of torchlight processions - gay pride parades, we pay money to Jews and carry out the commands of a black man from America! The fascists are in the Kremlin, not in the Reichstag, Russia is at war with Ukraine, and Germany, imagine, Stirlitz - Germany - is persuading Russia not to fight!

“Really, some kind of bullshit...” - thought Stirlitz...

One German from Facebook wished me a Merry Christmas and told me not to drink too much vodka.
- I told him not to kill too many Jews.

New funny jokes

The Germans came to the village. There is no one. They look, an old man is sitting on a bench.
- Great, grandfather.
- Great.

What's your name, grandpa?
- Ivan.

Here, Ivan, gingerbread. Can you show me where the partisans are hiding?
- I'll show you what not to show.

What is your last name, Ivan?
- Susanin.
- Give me the gingerbread. We'll find it ourselves.

A tipsy little man from a distant village speaks in city
station to the guard:

- Hello, comrade policeman, be kind...
- Not a comrade, but a master!

- Sorry, Mister Policeman, be kind...
- Not a policeman, but a policeman!
- ABOUT!!! Excuse me, Mr. Policeman... have the Germans been in the city for a long time?

Grandma comes to the military registration and enlistment office.
- Give me a partisan medal and benefits!
- Were you a partisan?

Not herself, but she supplied the partisans - she brought them lard, bread, milk...
- Yes, you can’t fight without food...

But of course! They all say “danke, danke” to me...
- So those were the Germans!
- Germans, Germans. But from the GDR

Jokes about Russians and Chinese

They once asked the Chinese who counterfeit cars:
- Have you tried to fake a Russian car?
To which the Chinese replied:
- Of course we tried, but ours still turns out better and cheaper!

A Chinese man comes to the Russian governor, and he asks:
- Well, have you learned Russian?
- No... He’s kind of complicated.

Why?
- Yes, I come to the market and ask: “What is this?”

Black currant.
- Why is it red?
- Because it's green.

A Chinese man comes to the dining room. He really wants to eat, but he doesn’t know anything in Russian. And he decided to see what people would order - and so did he. A student comes up, naturally no money, and orders:
- Tea.

Chinese similarly:
- Tsai.
A girl approaches. The Chinese thinks: “Well, girl! Now he’ll order something sensible!”

And the girl is also a student:
- Tea.

And the Chinese:
- Tsai.

The third one to come in is this real sailor:
- Naval pasta!

Chinese man joyfully:
- Matsatsona pa flotski!

Waiter:
- What?

The Chinese sighed:
- Tsai.

Funny jokes about the Chinese and Russians

Russian and Chinese:
— More than 2 billion people live here!

- And we have 150 million!
- Wow, so you probably all remember each other’s faces...

A huge Chinese army secretly crossed the border and surrounded a small Siberian town. And there is silence, calm... After an hour of waiting, a Chinese envoy enters the village and finds a bunch of Russian men in a pub.

rushing there, he loudly announces:
- Russians, give up. We, the valiant Chinese army, declare war on you.

Someone, looking up from the table, asks:
- How many of you are there?
- We are fifty million!
- E-my! - one of the men is surprised, - where are we going to bury you?

The traffic policeman stops the driver and says:
— You exceeded the speed limit, pay a fine.
- How? (driver says) I was driving 5 km. per hour

“It doesn’t matter, you still have to pay the fine, otherwise I’ll fight.” I’m just in a bad mood, but you pay and it will lift my spirits.

Driver says:
- Let me make you laugh and you won’t fine me.
- Well, try (says the traffic policeman)

— Do you know how they solve the problem of large families in China?
- Nope

- They bring all their men into the hall, undress, put everyone on the floor, and show their pussy on the ceiling. When all the men get up, the mower comes out and starts mowing...

The cop bursts out laughing, and the man slowly drives away.

At the next intersection the traffic policeman catches up with the man and says:
- Jokes aside, but you still have to pay the fine.

So the man says:
- I didn’t finish telling. Do you know where all the “waste” goes later?
- No
- So... The longer ones are used as batons, and the shorter ones are used as whistles...

In Chinese school:
- Sun-yan, why are you late again?
— I was taking my grandmother across the road.

- You're lying!
— I was baking rice cakes...

- You're lying again!!!
- I gave birth...
- Okay, sit down.

The gynecologist noticed that the girl who came for the examination was very tense,
so I decided to defuse the situation a little. He showed her his hands
rubber gloves and said:

- Do you know how these gloves are made? Somewhere in China there is a huge bathtub with
latex and Chinese of different ages dip their hands in it, dry it, tighten
finished gloves and throw them into boxes with the appropriate size!

The girl just frowned. After a minute of gynecological work
she suddenly laughs! The doctor asks:
- What's so funny?
“I can imagine how the Chinese make condoms.”

Son, I need to tell you one thing. I adopted you."
“Yes, but you and I are the same person, dad.”
"It's just because we're Chinese, son."

Proverbs and sayings about the Chinese and Russians

God created all people different, but when he came to China, he got tired of it.

If in Ukraine storks bring children, then in China locusts bring children!

The Chinese invented the condom so as not to have children, and the Russians invented love so as not to pay money.

In Russia, during labor lessons, schoolchildren make stools, and in China, they assemble iPhones.

When the Chinese fight area to area, the fight can be seen from space.

Secrets Chinese cuisine. If the dish bites you back, it means it's fresh.

God created the world. The rest is made in China.

The Chinese are proverb busters.
They refuted the Russian proverb “You can’t make a bullet out of shit.”
They do! And not just bullets..., absolutely everything.