Mourning

In accordance with generally accepted ethical standards, the family of a deceased person should wear mourning. The requirements for mourning apply both for a longer period of time during the year, and for a shorter period of six weeks. At this time, it is forbidden for the widow to marry, to play the wedding of adult children. The ban also applies to various festivities and entertainment. Also, after the funeral, it is necessary to wear mourning clothes. Usually it is strict black clothes, a black scarf is tied around the head. The period of wearing mourning clothes can be up to a year. Also, as a sign of mourning, mirrors are hung in the house of a deceased person, the clock stops and the TV is taken out.

commemoration

Traditions after the funeral are also closely associated with the wake of the deceased person. From the day of death, it is necessary to put a mug of water and a piece of bread on the window, which has been there for forty days. Water and bread were intended for the soul of the deceased, which, according to legend, every day comes to his home.
Traditionally in Russia, funerals ended with a memorial dinner. Then the commemoration is held on the ninth and fortieth day after death. On the third day (after death - the day of the funeral) the image of a person changes, on the ninth day the body disintegrates, and on the fortieth the heart decays.

memorial meal

Only close relatives of the deceased person are invited to the memorial meal.
- The memorial dinner should begin with a prayer.
- Table setting at the memorial meal should be discreet: a white tablecloth and dishes, no bright colors. Also on the table should be a frame with a photograph of the deceased, tied with a black ribbon.
- Be sure to designate the place where the deceased liked to sit. Put here his device and a glass of vodka on a plate. No one has the right to sit on this seat.
- At the table, one should not make long toasts, as well as recall jokes that the deceased loved. At a funeral dinner, it is not customary to stay too long.
- The tradition after the funeral provides for special food to be served at the memorial meal. First of all, it is kutya, which is prepared from rice or wheat with the addition of honey and raisins. Also to the table must be served fish pie, cabbage soup and kissel. Desserts, especially cakes, are not appropriate at the wake. As for alcoholic drinks, you can serve vodka.

Other traditions

Relatives of the deceased must order a funeral service in the church for six weeks after death - magpie. In everything memorable days relatives of the deceased must go to the cemetery and the temple. It is worth bringing sweets and flowers to the cemetery, and putting a candle in the temple for the repose of the soul. Special attention should be given parent Saturday(Saturday before Trinity Day). On this day, it is mandatory to go to the cemetery to honor the memory of the deceased person.

The funeral ceremony is underway, the obligatory days of remembrance are ending, and those close to the deceased begin to ask questions:

• Mourning. How long is mourning for the deceased?
• Would it be appropriate to appear in light clothing in public?
• Can I attend various events?
• How long is mourning?
• After what time can you remarry a widow or marry a widowed spouse?

We live in a society and therefore external observance of traditions is very important. Below are different opinions on this matter. Which point of view to adhere to is up to you.

How long does mourning last

Different cultures have different times for expressing their grief. Also interesting are the instructions on how to wear mourning.

Ancient Greece

In ancient Greece, a widow was required to wear black clothes all her life. Only if she remarried, then she could change her attire for another. The men wore black bandages on their sleeves and did not shave for 40 days.

Ancient Rome

AT Ancient Rome mourning for children was established in accordance with the number of years they lived. If the child was 7 at the time of death, then the parents mourned for 7 months. The maximum period was considered to be 10 months. After the widow could already get married, and close relatives took off their black clothes.

Medieval France

In medieval France, the dowager queen was not supposed to leave the rooms where she heard the sad news for a year. Noble ladies were also prescribed the first 6 weeks to be on an empty marital bed as a sign of expressing their sadness. If a sister grieved for her brother, then only the first 9 days she spent in bed, and the rest of the time, up to 6 weeks, she only sat on black matter. For men, etiquette was not so harsh. It was enough for them to tie a black bandage on their arm and wear it for six months.

Ancient China and Korea

In China and Korea, the period of mourning for a close one reached 3 years. During this time, it was possible to wear clothes made of unbleached canvas, and at breakfast they put an additional device for the deceased.

Japan

In Japan, the first 49 days after death are considered the most important. Relatives sincerely pray that the soul of the deceased will find peace and be reborn in the Pure Land. Also in the Land of the Rising Sun, it is customary to mourn the death of the emperor or members of his family. National mourning lasts a year.

How much mourning is worn depending on confessional affiliation

The most stringent is jewish mourning. It is divided into 4 periods:

• Onen from death to burial. The actions of relatives are aimed solely at organizing proper send-offs to the other world.
• Shiva the first week after death. A number of prohibitions are imposed on household members: cutting nails, leaving the house, studying the Torah, working, washing, wearing clean clothes or leather shoes.
• Shloshim - from the 8th to the 30th day. It is already allowed to leave the house, apply cosmetics to women, and men to trim their beards and mustaches.
• The fourth period It is customary to observe only for deceased parents. It lasts until the anniversary of death.

Buddhist traditions It is prescribed to wear mourning for parents and close relatives for 100 days. If the relative is distant, they mourn for the past 49 days. At this time they put on dresses gray color various shades.

in Islamic countries the behavior of women in the first time after the death of a spouse is strictly regulated. They are not allowed to wear jewelry, do their hair, dye their hair, use scented grooming products, and spend the night outside the home. Acceptable colors in clothing: white, purple, black and dark green. Mourning for husband lasts 4 lunar months and 10 days. For other relatives - only 3 days. Men, as a sign of mourning, do not remove their headdress during the burial ceremony.

Orthodox priests do not like the words "death", "dead". Most often in speech they replace them with “assumption”, “deceased”. The deceased until the 40th day is called "newly deceased." During this period, the one who left the mortal earth appears before the Lord, and only the prayers of the living can tip the scales when choosing where to go: to Hell or Paradise. Because in Christianity strict mourning lasts exactly 40 days. It is customary to express one's sadness about the loss not by moaning or crying, but by prayers, appeals to God, reflections on the frailty of life and memories of the pious deeds of the deceased in eternal sleep. After this time, it is allowed to remove the mourning bandage from the head. However, if you feel that grief is still crowding in your heart, then you can continue to wear a black scarf or scarf until the end of the year. The widow decides for herself when she will remove the mourning - after 2 years or immediately after the funeral meal.

Mourning for the deceased in our time

In modern times, mourning is determined more by the religious beliefs and traditions of the region.

The observance of religious canons in our days is not so reverent. If in rural areas they still adhere to old foundations, then city ​​life imposes its own limitations. For example, the dress code adopted in many offices does not include the presence of a black armband. This can turn off buyers or potential customers.

If it is impossible to explicitly mourn for a deceased relative, you can decide this problem in the following ways:

Refuse external paraphernalia . For the deceased, it is more important not what others think about you, but what you really think about the one who left you forever.

Wear a black headscarf or ribbon outside of work . Quite difficult, but possible for purposeful people.

Replace the color of sorrow . Along with black, white and red also symbolize sadness and grief from an irreparable loss. The Karakalpak people wear blue clothes during mourning. A Muslim woman may wear a purple or dark green dress.

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A sample of the text of obituaries can be found in the media. The article informs about the death of a particular person. The daily newspaper says exact time and the date of the memorial service. Nowadays, it loses its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify only relatives and friends about the tragic event. Some people don't know what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to be left out. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.

An obituary, in its essence, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually compiled from a team: colleagues, relatives. It is a photograph of the deceased and an article with short biography. A sample obituary in the newspaper is provided in the photo.

Relatives and friends in farewell speech express personal grief. Colleagues, colleagues and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience loss more than friends who rarely see each other. Do not forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their family.

The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this man. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. All this below in the text.

There is no single sample obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Obituary samples are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.

If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat concise. Only dry official language is not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will definitely notify you “with regret”, etc. Stick to a few ingredients, and you end up with a full obituary text.

1. Full data is placed next to the photo in a black frame:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

1. The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the team of which enterprise or organization reports the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "regretfully." A naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the relatives of the deceased.
2. What year did he die? What caused this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
3. Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance of individual moments for society and relatives. Colleagues in obituaries indicate the stages of career growth, what degrees and titles he has achieved. Highlight the main achievements in the professional field, what benefit did the production bring to the business of the company.

For relatives, human qualities come first. All the things for which he was valued and respected. For example, "he was a support for relatives", "a loving spouse and father."

1. For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was a hope and support for his elderly parents”, “a loving husband and father of two small children.”
2. In conclusion, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
3. The last line can be a short, relevant quotation or epitaph.
4. If the publication of the newspaper to which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of the burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a properly compiled obituary, even a stranger can well imagine: who he was, what he had to endure and achieve for his life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from the living and remembering him.

Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.

Sometimes fate disposes in such a way that only an obituary is able to make people meet. For the last time, to say goodbye with dignity and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary needs to be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post something later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?

With the change of generations, the values ​​of culture also change. Time will tell. At the moment, messages in social. networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the “wall” of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.

At the word epitaph, a short inscription on the monument immediately appears. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable grief for centuries. More than one generation will change until a tombstone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Under this concept, any speech over the grave was designated. From the Greek "epi" - over and "taphos" - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite sections of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of their kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps, thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.

AT ancient world similar inscriptions on the plates are found everywhere. AT Ancient Egypt hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan from antiquity in epitaphs transferred their Eastern philosophy. For example, the saying: "it is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."

In Western culture, it is customary to pick up a gravestone inscription for oneself during one's lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves, if not ourselves? You can send a message to posterity, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write an epitaph for yourself. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the robbers of the cemeteries would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed."

Thanks to Peter the Great, European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose thoughtful quatrains, therefore poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:

“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,

With love, laziness spent a merry age,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, good man."

The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in the hearts to give pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: "If you were lying, I would read." We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose it during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument of rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he immortalized his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself during your lifetime means to preserve your memory in exactly the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world in the best possible way. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of Pushkin A.S. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism prophesied that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more.”

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What kind of epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.

"Always expect, but do not fear death, both are true traits of wisdom."

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you tell with certainty where great-grandparents are buried? What did the ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many do not have this information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future. In the past, there was no unified database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This is due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. In one century, more than one change of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is possible that your family is not from the same places as you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. The burial places of ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become abandoned.

To prevent this from happening, a "Virtual Cemetery" was created on our website. The Book of Memory is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Let relatives and friends honor the memory of the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery there is an opportunity to put a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. The usual sign of attention relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. Grieving people need such signs of support in a difficult moment for them. In the "Links" tab, in one place you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your relative or loved one, including the links of the deceased person to pages in social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website aims to keep the memory of those who have passed away alive.

Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a dead person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory, everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrow, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great remoteness from the place of burial, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very hard, then we recommend that you read the article on how to deal with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life in order to keep the memory of us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, do not allow future generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will keep the memory of the dead forever.

How to deal with grief after death loved one? There is already a wrong approach to the problem in the formulation of the question. Couple actionable advice help to cope with the state of depression and return to a normal lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you should not try to deal with grief. You will be unsuccessfully at war with yourself. This is the part inner world. your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, let it out!

Do not artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. Hangover syndrome greatly increases longing and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you will become an alcoholic”, “cry and you will feel better.” It's wrong to ignore phrases that repeat centuries different people. If the semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words come down to us through the centuries? All right. Ordinary logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out all the burden of accumulated experiences. Drunk tears give no consolation. Crying drunk in the company does not cause sincere sympathy. Only pity bordering on contempt. And you feel ashamed when you sober up. Therefore, only in solitude, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as the weary mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of each to the tragedy that has occurred through the prism of his personal worldview. Can not be universal means. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we could come up with a drug that could help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Just dilute 30-50 drops of this remedy in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than the usual motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.

If you rely only on this tool, then you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Therapy by Artur Yanov.

Cry therapy.

Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who experience grief after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach a critical mass and the result of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are released from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This gives a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There is balance, peace and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry itself breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment, because the pain is unbearable. She can't be kept inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person in a cry.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Crying is the obligatory follower of pain. One of the main mitigating factors from grief.

In the US, cry therapy is done in groups. For half an hour, everyone screams at each other intensely to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will interfere. The main thing is that you yourself have invested in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan a field trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a deaf and deserted place. A strong effect gives a cry in the mountains or near water bodies.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can scream from the roof of houses and balconies. From a great height, the cry below is not heard. Shout in the car, or at work if conditions permit, at home into your pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which one is completely predisposed to withdraw all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed entirely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: the news of death, the sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to endure after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and lingering. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you scream. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather the opposite. The casual hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.

This is the peace that can bring you out of a protracted depression. It remains only to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

It's all relatively simple once you figure it out. Artur Yanov's scream therapy is able to take you out of the state of cyclicality inherent in people who are depressed after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about scream therapy.

Find an environment where yelling is okay. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a mass gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that screaming becomes the norm. Maybe it's a KVN competition. Choose an event to your liking. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.

Avoid loneliness.Talking to friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and perhaps material assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't hesitate to help out. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be one of the main factors in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between the physical and emotional state, it is possible, by influencing one, to improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then the emotional state will not keep you waiting. The merging process will take place. You will feel much more confident. healthy lifestyle and healthy eating- the basis of the foundations.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help get rid of depression after the death of a person. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not match the one you used to see before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it's time to take care of yourself. Don't scare your appearance relatives and friends, go to the store. Negative emotions deplete vital energy. satisfaction from Enjoy the shopping and a decent appearance is already a sign of a way out of a depressive state.

Fill your soul void.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen at this place: the longing and pain that have returned again, or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to do a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one often does not give one detail that is not attached special significance. Often in moments of sorrow, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds of different words, which we do not attach special importance to death.

Write a letter of repentance to a dead person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn't have time to say. Everything you feel right now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. Waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that it is up to you to decide when the wound heals. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.

The realization that many come out of shock much faster makes the depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. The return to the early stages of experience can be temporary and protracted.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the various reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Sad experiences and the emotional state of a person are broken down by time.

After death, for several weeks, the mourner has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition worsens. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. The person begins to realize irretrievable loss but not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help from relatives in the misfortune that has befallen, support too. The reasons for anger can be completely different. Appears in the mourner often unreasonably. This is an emotional state.

Those close to the bereaved need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock, it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, the exact opposite happens. state of mind when people close in on themselves after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the mourner. Avoid long periods of loneliness. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.

Search

After the stage of shock, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear footsteps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to bring back the dead. Denies the very idea of ​​the irretrievability of loss.

acute grief

The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear regardless of physical activity: fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, sleep disturbance. Increased odors and appetite. It happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.

mood swings

Three or four months begin to alternate days of spiritual upsurge and falls into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable, quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural warehouse of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infections may occur.

Depression

Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “talk” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".

recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. Each time, grief attacks appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of individual attacks. Health and performance returns to normal.

The final and last stage for the grieving people

About a year later, the final stage of mourning begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking over. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules slow down the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until last days for her dead husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much mourning to wear can be found here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Next to the mourner should be close people who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.

It is generally accepted that "spiritual wounds are best left undisturbed." This is already from the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out first phrases that can hurt a grieving person. In the event that there really are no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .

In this article, we would like to talk about mourning traditions, mourning etiquette, as well as give interesting historical facts about mourning.

What does mourning mean?

Emotional grief for a person who has passed away is also manifested in external expression: in clothes, emotional behavior.
Each nation at all times had its own characteristics of wearing mourning clothes and their own mourning customs. Each nation in its own way shows sadness, grief over the untimely loss of a loved one. Black color in mourning is generally accepted in Christianity. It is commonly believed that black is a universal color in the expression of grief. Dressing the mourner in black is a tribute to grief and respect for the deceased.

An interesting fact is that in ancient times, wearing black mourning clothes in the event of the death of a loved one was associated not with the idea of ​​expressing respect and grief, but with a superstitious fear of him. It was believed that the spirit of a deceased relative would not be able to recognize them if they dressed in black and could not take them away. The veil on the face was also supposed to mislead the spirits so that they would leave the soul of the one hiding behind the veil alone and not drag it with them to the underworld. Many of the superstitious traditions have come with us to modern times, it is still customary to hang mirrors in the house during the funeral, according to one of the beliefs, if the mirrors are left uncovered, after a while you can see the deceased in the reflection.

Samples of mourning clothes of the 17th century

Over time, mourning clothes finally acquired the meaning that we give them today - a sign of mourning.

Modern mourning clothes

There is mourning clothes white color, as an antipode to the symbol of night, death. White is considered a color that personifies divinity, light, purity, truth. This color in mourning clothes is common in India and other countries. South-East Asia.
In China, along with white, pink, red-pink and red-violet are also considered mourning, in Egypt it is yellow, for Persians - brown, for gypsies - red.

How much mourning is required?

The duration of mourning is always determined by the mourner himself, and the deeper the feeling of grief from the loss dear person the longer the mourning lasts. There is nothing shameful in the fact that a person can soon find the strength to live on and get out of their mourning.
Mourning implies that people in mourning, for the entire period of mourning, refuse all entertainment and entertainment. Previously, it was believed that the exit from mourning should be preceded by sending all your friends and acquaintances postcards informing about this intention in advance. For as long as such a message is not sent, on its own initiative, society will not risk violating the privacy of a grieving person.

These traditions are reasonable. Mourning clothes serve as a kind of protection for the grieving person. The veil will hide the sad face and tears of a woman in mourning from curious prying eyes. At the sight of mourning, a careless or heartless person, at least, will not be able to ignore the misfortune of another or show disrespect to the deceased. Thus, the rules of good manners within the framework of mourning etiquette were fully respected.

Previously, the mourning period for a widow lasted 18 months. The first six months were supposed to wear dull-colored clothes with a white collar and cuffs. Ladies hat - brimless with a long veil. The absence of beads and flowers in the clothes indicated that the mourner was absorbed in deep grief, and not in her appearance. Dark gray kid gloves were worn during the early days of mourning. In the following days it was possible to switch to silk, especially in summer. After six months, clothes of dull colors could be replaced with dresses with discreet trimmings.

After the first year of mourning, a lady, instead of a hat with a long heavy veil, was allowed more easy option such as a silk headdress. It was allowed to wear hats of various styles. As a sign of mourning, mourning flowers were worn in the hands and on the wrists. Other colors of the toilet were allowed - gray and purple, mauve, black and white, trimmed with embroidery and black amber beads.

Men in those days usually wore dark monochrome suits, which were suitable for both mourning and office. It was accepted that widowers stopped mourning and went out into society much earlier than widows.
At the discretion of the parents, sometimes children were dressed in mourning clothes. The girl was sewn the same dress that her mother would wear. For example, for semi-mourning, the dress and hat were trimmed with a black bandage, and the buttons on the dress were made of black amber.
Servants usually mourned for the head of the family, but sometimes for other family members as well.